Smooth Bones

Today Dr Nelson, my podiatrist, gave me the ok to start walking without the boot some - still to wear it for exercise or extensive walking. He also told me, and this is the best news yet, that I can get my foot wet - which means I can hobble into the shower and actually take a real shower! No swimming or pedicures yet though 😉 Here's a before/after comparison:

He shaved off the bone growth at the end of my metatarsal (foot) bone and cut a wedge out of the top, allowing him to reangle the end of the bone where my phalange (toe) connects, giving it proper range of motion. In doing so, he shortened the length of my big toe. You can see it on the X-ray. Funny. You can also see there's still a good amount of swelling - it's not easy to fit my fat foot into a shoe yet. I'll be able to do the other foot in 3-4 weeks. I don't have any new news on cancer stuff. I have two breasts of equal size. The tissue expanders will be replaced with implants a month after my next foot surgery.

Lots of little updates

I got the stitches in my foot out on Monday. Doctor Nelson says it's looks great. I'll need to wear the boot for another couple of weeks. I'm really looking forward to being able to take a normal, standing shower! I think we'll do my right foot in July - that side will not allow me to drive for a while, so timing is a bit more complicated. I had my 1 month follow-up with my OBGYN after my total hysterectomy. He said I'm healing well. There are still some stitches that haven't dissolved in my vaginal cuff - "Umm, what's that?" That's what your cervix is called when they remove the goods. All is well in that department. Today I go see my radiation oncologist for my 6-week post-radiation checkup. No concerns there. Tomorrow I see the reconstruction doctor for the left-side fill that will make it the same size as my right. This is exciting - I've been walking around with mismatched breasts since he started filling my right side in January. Not that they were ever really the same before though...

Next step

A couple years ago I learned that I have... Problematic feet. Truly I've always had problematic feet - I was born with Club Feet, where both feet were curled up like fists. They would stretch them, cast them, then stretch them again, and cast them over and over - there was a metal bar that would hold my feet straight. It was a peaceful and enjoyable time for my parents. I have no recollection. Anyhoo... I've always had large, wide feet, but they didn't cause me troubles until a few years ago. I saw a podiatrist who said: surgery. He also taught me about what was happening and what I could do to limit the pain. Basically my big toe (phalange) is at the wrong vertical angle and has been jamming up into my foot bone (metatarsal) causing the bone to build up on the top of that joint. So I've been conscious about buying the right kind of shoes (mostly flip flops) that don't have anything that puts pressure over my bone. I knew that some day I'd have that surgery, but figured I'd wait until I had something else I also needed so we'd reach my deductible and we wouldn't have to pay quite so much out of pocket. Well guess what I did on January 12th - I met my yearly deductible! So my podiatrist was able to fit me in for a couple of appointments this week and I'll have my left foot surgery on Friday (can do the right foot a month after). I get to wear a fancy giant boot for a bit, but I'll be up and at 'em in no time.

Hysterectomy - done.

My surgery went well today, so now I'm comfortable at St Joe's Resort and Spa. The food is good, but I haven't gone down to the pool yet. I'm pretty relaxed, so if I close my eyes while you're visiting it's because I'm just feeling the moment or maybe because of the sun reflecting off the waves (of cars in the parking lot). I'll go home Wednesday (to a clean house, surely) with this step behind me. On to reconstruction next!

Oophorectomy

I find myself with a bit of pre-surgery insomnia. I check in at St. Joe's Resort and Spa in about 5 1/2 hours to have the rest of my girl parts removed. It's called an oophorectomy when they remove the uterus, fallopian tubes, and ovaries - I'm going to call it a hysterectomy because that's what we all know. I'm more nervous about forgetting chapstick than the actual procedure. I'm in good hands and I'll be better off without those parts anyway. Today I had my final follow-up with Dr Kommareddi, my breast surgeon, and she was happy with my healing. She is a very pleasant and kind doctor - kind of sad to say goodbye. My radiation burn is healing quickly (thanks to my aloe plants ... and a slew of creams and ointments). It's mostly peeled with fresh, pink/tan skin underneath. I'm wondering if I'm going to have a rectangle boob tan for a while.

All done with Radiation

I'm all done with radiation! I was surprised by a group of friends with party blowers & balloons for me after I rang the bell. I'm so grateful to these friends and all the others that have supported me, both near and far!

The radiation burn isn't terrible, but there are some pretty sensitive areas. Between the fresh aloe, moisturizers, and ointments I'm sure it'll heal up quickly. I'm definitely starting to feel the fatigue creeping in, but nothing like I expected. My sleep monitoring app has never been so proud of me! I'll start to reconstruct my left breast while the right side heals. I've gotten comfortable walking around in public with just one breast (I don't think most people even notice), but it'll be nice to get more balanced again. On April 17th I'm scheduled for an ooferectomy (uterus, fallopian tubes, and ovaries removed). We want to get those estrogen machines out of there - The cancer was being fed by estrogen. We've been blocking it and suppressing it, so this is the final step. Then I'll switch to an aromatase inhibitor as my long-term medicine (5 years).

4 down, 2 to go!

4 weeks it's radiation down and 2 more to go. Radiation has been pretty smooth - a rectangular burn is forming from my side to my sternum across my right breast. The worst part is under my arm below my armpit. It looks worse than it feels, so that's good. The side affects are generally a couple weeks behind treatment, so it'll continue to get worse for the next month. Hopefully the mild level of discomfort doesn't change much. Not so bad!

(Ignore my hairy armpit - no shaving during radiation) Aside from the burn, I haven't had any serious side affects to note. But I did learn that estrogen helps drive metabolism, so without that I have the metabolism of a sloth. Tata for now! (Written while sucking in my belly so I can button my fat jeans)

2 down - 4 to go!

Two weeks of radiation complete and four to go. Still no side affects from that. Although it might be counteracting my recent bout with insomnia; that seems to have subsided a lot. I've also started walking and hiking in an attempt to boost my metabolism and to tire my body. Thanks to our efforts to block estrogen and to stop my ovaries from producing it, my metabolism has taken a serious dive. I'm gaining weight faster than a baby elephant!

Radiation

This is the radiation room - I lay on the table with my arms folded back above my head (in the stirrup things), the table slides back under the machine and up closer to it. It starts in this position, pointing straight down, it runs twice for about 10 seconds each. The whole machine rotates clockwise to about 2:00, runs for maybe 15 seconds, then rotates back and goes to about the 8:00 position and runs again for another 15 seconds. They lay brass mesh over the treatment area for the last two zaps (it helps bring the radiation to the surface of my body where my lymph nodes are). The whole thing takes only minutes. I feel absolutely nothing and haven't felt any side affects yet. Fatigue and a burn similar to a sunburn are the most common side affects and will build over time. I finished my first of 6 weeks of daily treatments.

Terry Cruz

Next Thursday I'll go in to see the radiation oncologist to be scanned and mapped. No more "fills" for 10 weeks after that. The little boobie we've been building on the right side is just big enough to be noticeable under my shirt - while my left side is still concave. It's lovely. I know there's little chicken cutlet looking prosthetics you can buy to put on the flat side, but I'd like to think I'm not that vain. Well see - time will tell. It's interesting, though, that the pain from the pressure on my ribs is the same on both sides. My range of motion is improving. My left arm more than my right, but that's to be expected. Dr Kommareddi had to dig around in there to find lymph nodes. There was even one more that she was looking for but couldn't find because of my "dense tissue" (I choose to hear "young, healthy, muscular tissue" when they say that, which is a lot). My chest muscles are still very knotty and angry, but I *think* it's getting better. Oh, speaking of chest muscles... I flexed my chest muscles and - wow. The tissue expanders are under my muscles so when I flex, it looks like Terry Cruz! I finally peeled the clear tape off of the incision. It's much less scary looking now that all the dried blood is gone. It is two long pink scars that go from my side below my armpit to the center of my chest. There's about an inch in the middle between the scars. It's the only part of that area with sensation and, oh boy, does it have sensation! It's hyper sensitive! Just the feeling of my shirt touching my skin - whoo! It doesn't hurt. It's almost like a tickle. Like a feather on the back of your neck. 24 hours a day. Today I'm going to go workout. (Ha! I'm going to sit on the recumbent bike and pedal as slowly as possible.)

Pain Meds

Pain management... This is tricky and every person is different. I am very lucky to have a high pain tolerance (and extremely grateful). The recovery from this surgery has been more painful than any of my four C-Sections, uterine ablation, and both knee surgeries. That said, it's also been one of the easiest recoveries. Having only the chest muscles affected doesn't affect mobility nearly as much as abdominal muscles or knees did. So being able to get up and move is great! The pressure on my chest had been the biggest challenge. At first it was hard to take deep, or even normal, breaths and was difficult to hold a conversation. Percocet helped with that. The couple times that I accidentally let it wear off I feel sharp, stabbing, shooting sparks of pain across my chest, my hands would get shaky, and my body felt tense and jittery. As soon as the next dose took affect that all went away. At my peak I was taking 2 pills every 6 hours and weaned down to 1 every 6-7 hours around day 9. The thing is that it didn't help the pressure, so I was still very uncomfortable, and I really just wanted to be able to eat normal food and have a normal poop. (This is where I back track and talk about poop) Around day 5, Dr Kommareddi, the breast surgeon, gave me step by step instructions to follow over the next couple days to produce a bowel movement - starting with Milk of Magnesia that evening. At that point I wasn't feeling well, is nauseous, I had lots of gas, and my abdomen was very uncomfortable. The second dose the following morning didn't stay down long, and neither did my breakfast. We were clearly going about this from the wrong side. Not a pretty realization. So I set to getting things moving on my own - abdominal massage, bending and stretching, and sheer willpower (it helped that I got a Squatty Potty for my birthday!). Thank you to those who brought me beans, kale smoothies, essential oils, etc. Each day after that I had a movement, but I had to work for it. Not awesome. Ok, where was I? So I was still in pain from the pressure of the tissue expanders that were inserted between my ribs and pectoralis muscle, and I was constipated. So on day 11 I decided to let the pain medicine wear off to see what the pain was like. My chest muscles were jittery, then my hands started to get shaky, then my knees and elbows started to get tingly/jittery (like if I have too much caffeine and can't sit still - this is why I don't drink Coca-Cola), it was hard for me to concentrate on the conversation and I realized that this wasn't my body's reaction to pain - this was my body going through withdrawal from the Percocet it was now addicted to! Shit! I got up and washed my face, not knowing what to do. A friend had brought over some CBD Hemp Oil (completely legal, don't need a medical marijuana card for this), so I put some under my tongue (it was an odd combination of delicious and disgusting) hoping for the best. I went and sat back down and shortly realized that the jitters had stopped and my hands were steady. I wasn't like gooey relaxed or anything - I just felt normal. And it was great. Then I had an intense headache for about 24 hours. But now it's better and I can deal with the pain and pressure at this point. When I do something that causes pain, I stop. That's the point, right? Pain pill addiction is very serious. It's scary how easily your body gets addicted - this is from a week and a half of a moderate to low dose.

Met with Radiation Oncologist

Today I met with Dr Croghan, my Radiation Oncologist. We went over the time table - I'll go back to do imaging and mapping on February 15th, and begin radiation the following week. She went over some stretches for me to do to settle my angry pectoralis muscles. The right side is especially knotty and tight. She was pleased with my healing and the work that Dr Rao did. I am feeling well and able to do most things. It's odd little things that are difficult - like squeezing the toilet paper tube holder to change the roll, or shaking the conditioner bottle to get the conditioner to the top of the bottle. This weekend I drove to my brother's house, which is just a couple minutes away, and realized how much you use your chest muscles to drive. Driving straight was fine, but gripping the wheel to turn was difficult. It's definitely too early to be doing any kind of housework, so I won't even attempt that! I am so lucky to be surrounded by such an amazing community! We have been spoiled with dinners every night, and friends have stepped up to help get the kids to all their after school activities and practices, and they've driven me to all of my appointments. I don't know how I'm going to ever reacclimate to real life after this!

Post-op visits

Monday I met with the reconstruction doctor, Dr Rao. He removed the drain from the right side, as it was draining only a small amount of fluid each day. The left side was still draining about 50cc, so it stayed put. He was able to begin the reconstruction process and added 100cc of saline to the expander in the right side. During my mastectomy he inserted a tissue expander between the pectoralis muscle and ribs. It's like a big, sealed balloon with a circular magnetized port. So at Monday's appointment, he used two magnets to find the port and injected saline directly into the expander. I've got a little tiny boobie! But I'm not supposed to shave or use deodorant, so you may want to keep your distance. I haven't showered since the morning of the 12th. He'll only be expanding the right side for now, but expanding at a somewhat accelerated rate (2x/week instead of 1). Why, you ask, is he only building one boobie? It's for radiation. I will have my entire right side chest wall radiated. We want the radiation laser to come in at a harsh angle so it can graze the top of my chest and not be directed into my organs. With a flat chest wall on the left side, they're able to come in at a better angle with nothing in the way. I start radiation in a few weeks and will have to take a break from reconstruction. 6 weeks of radiation (5x/week), then 4 weeks of "grace period" before we can see how the elasticity of the skin changed due to radiation. Today I met with the Breast Surgeon, Dr Kommareddi. She was very pleased with my incision and minimal swelling (last time she saw me was when she handed the knife over to Dr Rao while I was splayed open taking a snooze). All is well, no new news from her - she gave me a copy of the pathology report. Quite interesting. My left breast weighed 5 grams less than the right but was an inch bigger. A whole inch! I won't get into the differences in the nipples, but just know that I was an imperfect person. 😉 I am off the narcotics - too many scary stories and it didn't get rid of the pain anyway. So I decided to be pro-poop and manage pain on my own. And what do you know - it's fine! Don't get me wrong - it's not "good", but it's not terrible either. Today I was able to lift a plate into the microwave on my own - can I get a "HOORAY" for that? We have REALLY been enjoying all the meals brought by people in the food train - it's heavenly! My dad has been here this week and is so great with the kids, and helps with homework, and washes dishes, and is building a puppet theater for the kids' talent show performance next week. I'm very thankful to have him! That is all for now, Lindsey Still pear shaped 🍐

Pathology

I got the pathology report back from the surgeon this evening. She said the left breast came back with only normal breast tissue - exactly what expected, so: Hooray. The originate tumor on the right side measured 2.5cm (originally thought to be 1.8cm) but was comprised of many necrotic cells - meaning the treatment has been working. The smaller tumor was 0.5cm (originally thought to be 0.8cm) and also had necrotic cells. So: YEEHAW for that! During surgery two lymph nodes were removed. The sentinal node which was previously biopsied and was already known to be malignant plus one more based on a radioactive dye test done right before surgery. The second lymph node came back clean. Everything came back with clear margins, meaning the entire tumors were removed with healthy cells surrounding on all sides (no cancer left behind). I am still groggy and sore, but glad to have this step behind me. I'll follow up with the surgeon on Monday, but will likely have the drains in for another week or two. The rash I developed from the antibiotic seems to be subsiding, but is still itchy, bumpy, and red. Super fun. My main focus as of late is getting that first bowel movement to come. Again: super fun. More trips to CVS. That is all for now. Signed, Lindsey, the pear shaped human

I'm home! Down two breasts and two lymph nodes. Pain is hit and miss - mostly it hurts to take breaths. Moving can be uncomfortable, but I think I have a mental block because of C-Section recoveries and when/where I would hurt. The reconstruction doctor inserted a tissue expander behind each of my pectoralis muscles. The pain I'm feeling is the pressure against my ribs and where the muscle connects to my sternum. And that is all for now Zzzzzzzzz...

Pre-surgery vacation

We're spending this week at Disneyland - no appointments, no scans, just family & fun! And rain.

I am anxious for Friday's mastectomy. I feel like it'll be my first real step forward. I've been on medication to block the estrogen from feeding the cancer, and another to block my uterus from producing estrogen (until my hysterectomy in April). But this is actually removing the cancer - it feels more "real" to me. Radiation will start around Valentine's Day. I'm super excited for the food signup! Thank you to everybody already signed up - if there's one thing about this that I'm excited about, it's that! Well, that and the fact that people keep telling me how young I am. 😊 But I just turned the big 4-0, so that may end.